Drag Me to Hell
Horror Gone Slapstick: An Open Letter to Sam Raimi Starring: Alison Lohman, Justin Long By Tom Bevis Dear Mr. Raimi: I have to admit that I grew up watching your Evil Dead pictures, and they have taught me a lot about the horror genre. Unfortunately, they have taught me what should never be done in the genre and how to recognize a film that loses scope and tone and, instead of being an honest offering to the genre, becomes a satire...
Terminator Salvation
Arnold: Brought to You by CGI! Starring: Christian Bale, Sam Worthington By Tom Bevis Here’s the deal: I’m becoming increasingly angry on early reviews for Terminator Salvation that call for a return to the franchise’s earlier hallmarks. A few reviews have even gone far enough to say that the earlier films actually made sense, especially when compared to the franchise’s newest offering. Well, here are a few basic notes. First of...
Angels & Demons
Or: Tom Hanks’ Haircut Starring: Tom Hanks, Ayelet Zurer By Tom Bevis The only thing worse than a mullet is a half-mullet. But let’s not hold Tom Hnaks’ silly haircut against the film. It’s just simple fashion, after all. And don’t let the sins of Angels and Demons’ predecessor, The Da Vinci Code, keep you away, either. Those who couldn’t get through the earlier film will be happy to hear that much of slowness and stiffness...
Star Trek
The Wrath of Eric Bana Starring: Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto By Tom Bevis The black of space. A massive alien vessel exits from a vortex and engages a much smaller ship in a firefight. Bright flashes fill the screen as the two ships take part in a digitally choreographed battle of lights. We glance into the smaller ship, we see the engine rooms as sparks fly and jets of flame shoot from the walls. We feel the turbulence as the ship...
The Haunting in Connecticut
The House the Warrens Built Starring: Kyle Gallner, Virginia Madsen By Tom Bevis The house is dingy – every inch of floor covered in slime, every foot of wallpaper peeling in ugly green strips like dead skin. The windows bleed diluted yellow light, the floorboards creak, and you can’t walk into a room without something jumping out at you. All the while, Sara Campbell (Virginia Madsen) walks through the house, exclaiming: “it’s...
State of Play
Apparently Government Is Corrupt Starring: Russell Crowe, Ben Affleck, Rachel McAdams Written by: Andrew Younger Performing his best Alan J. Pakula impersonation circa 1974, director Kevin MacDonald’s latest offering addresses journalistic integrity in the wake of political decay and corporate conspiracy before surrendering complex social commentary to cheap plot twists and easy resolutions. In the midst of congressional...
Sin Nombre
Front Row Seats for Love and Crime Starring: Edgar Flores, Paulina Gaitan By Tom Bevis There is a mural painted on the wall. Green grass, red and yellow leaves, and if you look closely, you might see a sliver or blue sky beyond the tangled branches of trees lining a sedate path through the tranquil walkway. Then the camera shifts. The image of the walkway, in all the flames and serenity of autumn, shifts and what we’re left with is...
12
Existential Hell Starring: Sergei Makovetsky, Sergei Garmash By Robert Patrick In the original 12 Angry Men, there was a sense of palpable fear. The jurors, knitted together with makeshift patchwork, were devoured by plumes of cigarette smoke, their fists were bolted to their chins in deep thought, and their tongues rapped against their mouths with the sound of machinegun fire. The original production, made in 1957 and starring Henry...
Knowing
This Code of Numbers Spells Disaster Starring: Nicholas Cage, Rose Byrne By Tom Bevis Nicholas Cage has a filthy rap sheet. Sure, he’s got some good films under his belt, movies like Raising Arizona and Adaptation, but he’s also got Ghost Rider’s and National Treasure’s in abundance. So, this guy has shown us he’s got gall. But he’s also shown us that he picks his film roles like a hooker picks her johns: whoever’s paying the most....
Watchmen
Lifestyle of the American Superhero Starring: Billy Crudup, Malin Akerman By Tom Bevis I want to begin by talking about Zack Snyder. I want to find the person who started calling him ‘visionary’ and punch him in the throat. Let’s take a look at his catalog. He’s got the Dawn of the Dead remake, which is mediocre at best. Then he’s got 300, which most people went with their base instincts and latent homosexuality and dug the film...
