Equals
Hard, white surfaces shimmer like hot concrete in 90 degree heat. Streams of workers funnel, instinctively, into emotionless lines, like ant colonies to a melted popsicle stick.
The Double
Birds of a Feather Starring: Jesse Eisenberg, Mia Wasikowska Review written by Robert D. Patrick James Simon (Jesse Eisenberg) is working in a cubicle the size of a kennel. Those around him, decrepit and methodical, type away endlessly. Plumes of wild, uncombed hair envelope their ears. They have been in this office a long, long time. And, from the looks of things, these cubicles will be their tombs. James has been at this company for...
Godzilla
Pacific Commotion Starring: Bryan Cranston, Aaron Taylor-Johnson Review written by Tom Bevis In the last sixty years, Godzilla has become a cultural phenomenon widely cherished by fans worldwide. Following the release of Gojira in 1954, the King of Monsters has spun off into dozen of films, television shows, video games, and comic books (including a series of Marvel cross-overs) and has perhaps become the most recognizable of all...
The Last Days on Mars
Star Blech Starring: Liev Schreiber, Olivia Williams Review written by Robert D. Patrick Ah, makeshift habitats erected in space. Sterile ivory chambers that are crosshatched with artificial light? Check. Blinking keypads in a padded labyrinth of human megalomania? Tick that box. These are typical sights for films dealing with space exploration. Never forget that our species wanders in an incubator comprised of eggshell safety. The...
After Earth
Smith 2 Smith Starring: Will Smith, Jaden Smith I’m about to really bum you guys out, so I hope you can forgive me. After Earth is not a Will Smith movie. Here’s a shortlist of things I learned about the future from After Earth: 1) In 1000 years, whales will have two blow holes. 2) Also, in 1000 years, climbing a volcano will seem like a good idea. Not that astounding, I know, but no one’s walking into this theater to learn stuff. The...
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Scarier than Dunston Checks In Starring: James Franco, CGI Review written by Robert Patrick You get the impression that “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” is less a movie and more of a trailer, especially considering, when all is said and done, that the film sets the table for an innumerable amount of sequels and prequels. Not much happens in “Rise,” until the very end of the picture, and we’re left to wait for the next installment of...
Never Let Me Go
Get Those Smiles out, You’re Going to Cry for Two Hours! Starring: Carey Mulligan, Keira Knightley, Andrew Garfield By Robert Patrick The sterile, cold, unaffected world of “Never Let Me Go” is about as toneless as a hard boiled egg. A ubiquitous gray inundates the sidewalks, cafes and schools. Director Mark Romanek’s opus is about as tart as a tub of unflavored yogurt. When seen, weathered primary colors are...
Predators
I Ain’t Got Time To Bleed…Or Watch This Movie Again Starring: Adrien Brody, Topher Grace By Robert Patrick “Predator” has become such an outstandingly lucrative franchise since its inception as a sci-fi favorite in 1987. Who can resist a creature whose bulbous head protrudes not only pronged-teeth but dreadlocks the size of water noodles? And can I mention a forehead so sloped that a fourteen-year-old could do Tech Deck...
Metropolis
It’s Not Road House, But… Starring: Brigitte Helm, Gustav Frohlich By Robert Patrick I can see the 25 minutes of lost “Metropolis” footage, in all of its holy glory, being unearthed from a dusty vault in Argentina. In the background, much like an “Indiana Jones” movie, a John Williams score inundates the scene with acute tension. The 16 mm reduction, having been seen by the mad eyes of film...
Iron Man 2
The New Suit is a Lot Like the Old Suit Starring: Robert Downey, Jr., Mickey Rourke By Tom Bevis Remember Iron Man? Remember, despite quick comic book clichés and at least one ridiculous mood-killing one liners (this is the very reason that made 2008’s Incredible Hulk better than the first Iron Man picture) how good it was? And do you remember how fans walking out of the film had already convinced themselves that they loved the...
