Evil Dead
Remake Intrinsically Baffling; Raimi Owes Apology Review written by Robert Patrick Starring: Jane Levy, Shiloh Fernandez Basically every teenage boy has, at one point in time, been drawn to their television set as Bruce Campbell’s animated, wagging tongue emitted theatrical screams out of the worn speakers of their parents’ televisions. “You have to see this film!” hoards of eighteen year olds proclaim with a wry, all knowing smile....
G.I. Joe: Retaliation
The Rock Versus Bruce Willis (Not Really) Review written by Tom Bevis Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Channing Tatum Let me begin by saying that I didn’t see the first GI Joe film way back when (in or around 2009, if my memory serves me), so I have no frame of reference as far as a sequel goes. So, let’s look at this as a kind of experiment, okay? Now, I walk into the auditorium, and yeah, I’m kinda sweating the possibility that I’ll be...
Lore
Lore of War Review written by Robert D. Patrick Starring: Saskia Rosendahl, Kai Malina WWII has been a sandbox for filmmakers to tell their stories in since the last shell of the war pockmarked the earth in the forties. In Lore, like many, many other films of the genre, the second world war, and its aftermath, is seen through the eyes of children. Some great films – Ivan’s Childhood, Closely Watched Trains and Empire of...
The Silence
Cold Case: Germany Review written by Robert Patrick Starring: Ulrich Thomsen, Claudia Michelsen The Silence’s pastoral and yet sinister title implies that you’re about to see some concentrated brooding, unbridled heartache, and teeth gnashing detective work. Baron bo Odar’s melancholy film is about two murders, committed twenty-three years apart, in the same location. What sort of macabre shadowplay is at work? Why...
Olympus Has Fallen
White House In Peril – Again Review written by Tom Bevis Starring: Morgan Freeman, Gerard Butler I’ll be the first to admit that all of this 9/11 reminiscent terrorist imagery needs to disappear from popular media. I am tired, bored, and annoyed watching planes and/or tanks crash into every single American landmark that comes to mind. That being said, Olympus Has Fallen has only two or three of these said scenes in...
Happy People: A Year in the Taiga
Ron Swanson’s Favorite Film? Review written by Robert D. Patrick Werner Herzog, the enigmatic, sleepy-voiced German director has become a sort of lick-the-thumb and turn-the-page storyteller. He is a grandfather figure that has both acerbic wit and calm reticence. Most recently, the auteur has been adorning his lens with pastoral landscapes and philosophical documentaries about the human condition. Here, with Happy People: A...
Snitch
In Snitch, The Rock Isn’t What He Seems Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Barry Pepper Review written by Tom Bevis Alright, look, I like The Rock. I have ever since I saw him in the Get Shorty sequel Be Cool, which is otherwise forgettable. He single-handedly saved every scene he was in, but ultimately couldn’t do much for the film as a whole (the people who made that movie should really praying for their souls after rehashing the...
John Dies at the End
Wicked & Weird Starring: Chase Williamson, Rob Mayes Review written by Robert D. Patrick Hallucinatory, spiked with weirdness, kinetic and grimy. These are laymen ways to describe the kaleidoscopic and serpentine John Dies at the End, a movie directed with cutting wit and macabre abandon by Don Coscarelli. The aforementioned auteur is the madman behind such films as Phantasm and Bubba Ho-Tep, movies that include a foppish mummy...
A Good Day to Die Hard
Will the Real McClane Please Stand Up Starring: Bruce Willis, Jai Courtney Review written by Tom Bevis Alright, let me start right off the bat by saying I love Die Hard. Die Hard is one of those quick action movie franchises that was loud enough, big enough, bright enough, and suddenly funny enough for me to really dig when I was a kid. Mind you, I wasn’t even a year old when the first one hit theaters, I must’ve been three years old...
Stand Up Guys
Mobsters Have Bucket Lists, Too Starring: Christopher Walken, Al Pacino Review written by Tom Bevis I’ve resisted writing about Stand Up Guys because, despite Righteous Kill, 88 Minutes, S1m0ne, and The Recruit, I love Al Pacino, and despite the fact that for the last several years, Christopher Walken has been playing Kevin Pollack impersonating Christopher Walken, I love Christopher Walken. But, man, never have I seen either of these...
