The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
The Most Nauseating Ride of the Year Starring: Heath Ledger, Christopher Plummer By Robert Patrick Terry Gilliam is a madhatter. Plain and simple. The old director likes his movies strange, maniacal and full of the broodiest whimsy fathomable. The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus is not atypical of Gilliam’s manic prose; the film is aplomb with macabre absurdities and cartoonish characters that, at their most foolish, look like...
Sherlock Holmes
It was _____, In the Study, With Black Magic Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law By Tom Bevis Ladies and gentleman, Guy Ritchie has gone Hollywood, and his latest offering, Sherlock Holmes, is bleeding proof. The film boasts an undeniably mainstream cast, lead by one of America’s biggest stars today: Robert Downey, Jr. And the costar? Big-budget special effects, of course, things like explosions, bare-knuckle fist fights, a...
Whiteout
Snow, a Plane, and Something About a Murder Starring: Kate Beckinsale, Gabriel Macht By Tom Bevis Comic book adaptations are a hotspot in Hollywood today, but word on the street is, few people actually knew Whiteout was based on a comic. As always with comic book adaptations, I can go write at length about the differences in story between the comic and the film, but it’s pointless. If you’re going to see the film instead of spending...
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
More Sequels than Police Academy Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson By Robert Patrick “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince” – or the more exasperating title of Harry Potter 6 – is director David Yates’ second outing behind the camera of the much heralded franchise. Before Yates was billed as the directorial successor to the mega-grossing series, he was helming such television movie classics as “Sex Traffic” and...
Angels & Demons
Or: Tom Hanks’ Haircut Starring: Tom Hanks, Ayelet Zurer By Tom Bevis The only thing worse than a mullet is a half-mullet. But let’s not hold Tom Hnaks’ silly haircut against the film. It’s just simple fashion, after all. And don’t let the sins of Angels and Demons’ predecessor, The Da Vinci Code, keep you away, either. Those who couldn’t get through the earlier film will be happy to hear that much of slowness and stiffness...
Knowing
This Code of Numbers Spells Disaster Starring: Nicholas Cage, Rose Byrne By Tom Bevis Nicholas Cage has a filthy rap sheet. Sure, he’s got some good films under his belt, movies like Raising Arizona and Adaptation, but he’s also got Ghost Rider’s and National Treasure’s in abundance. So, this guy has shown us he’s got gall. But he’s also shown us that he picks his film roles like a hooker picks her johns: whoever’s paying the most....
The Pink Panther 2
Beyonce Turned This Film Down Starring: Steve Martin, Andy Garcia, Emily Mortimer By: Andrew Younger Like most films which show such contempt for their audience that they merely slap a number at the end of a title and call it a sequel, The Pink Panther 2 could have been terrible. And not just ordinary, run-of-the-mill terrible, but a colossal monument to failure of Baby Geniuses 2 proportions. Having subjected myself to the first Pink...
Doubt
Veil of Suspicion Starring: Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Meryl Streep, Amy Adams By Colleen Dillon It seems that in life, the vast majority of all regret arises from decisions made without absolute certainty. Actions taken – or not taken – because we didn’t have all the evidence, or couldn’t properly interpret the evidence we did have, can plague us for lifetimes. Doubt, a film based on the Pulitzer Prize-winning...
Blindness
Clairvoyant Hands Starring: Julianne Moore, Mark Ruffalo By Robert Patrick Fernando Meirelles, displaying his acute fearlessness for moviemaking, gives us his most artistically provocative film to date with this year’s Blindness. Adapted from the universally heralded novel of the same name by Jose Saramago, Blindness is not only the most theatrically challenging picture of the year, but also one of the best. Some, most of whom will...
Righteous Kill
Skip This, Rent Heat Starring: Robert De Niro, Al Pacino By Robert Patrick Director Jon Avnet’s Righteous Kill is a rickety, defused thriller. Strictly by the numbers, Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino read through Russell Gewirtz’s script like they were lazily narrating newspaper columns over a cup of coffee. No matter, flocks of moviegoers will inevitably recline in their local theatres to see the two old buzzards race around the city,...
