Sam’s Phenomenal Cosmic Movie Column
Hello and welcome to Sam’s Phenomenal Cosmic Movie Column! On the following pages you will find wonders and horrors, exalting philosophical diatribes and a sublime butchery of the critic’s art. You may laugh, or cry, or pass out from the oxygen deprivation (don’t forget to breathe while reading; see disclaimer below).
The Phenomenal Cosmic Movie Column (now available in supercolor!) is a cinematic cabinet of curiosities. Tug open the bottom drawer and you may find an orphaned huddle of second-hand VHS tapes, doomed never to be re-birthed on DVD. Peer through the glass panes and glimpse a jumble of heavily preserved philosophies, bottled opinions, and half-cooked conclusions about the world of cinema. Please do not touch the models.
Examples of what you may find within:
–B Movies, and lots of them. This is my real passion. You’ve been warned.
–My favorite moments in the history of film
–Many unwarranted opinions
–Crude summaries of complex philosophical theories
-A weird mix of pretension and bad taste
My goal in life is to stop and enjoy the ridiculous. World, you make me happy when you go all crazy and lopsided and produce things neither man nor nature ever intended to produce. I like it when you get a bit wrong in the head, because that’s when something really delightful happens. Sometimes the best entertainment is made when you really aren’t trying to be funny.
The Phenomenal Cosmic Movie Column will be running Fridays from now until the end of time. Give or take a few. See you there!