After Earth
Smith 2 Smith Starring: Will Smith, Jaden Smith I’m about to really bum you guys out, so I hope you can forgive me. After Earth is not a Will Smith movie. Here’s a shortlist of things I learned about the future from After Earth: 1) In 1000 years, whales will have two blow holes. 2) Also, in 1000 years, climbing a volcano will seem like a good idea. Not that astounding, I know, but no one’s walking into this theater to learn stuff. The...
The Hangover Part III
Sequel: The Sequel Starring: Ed Helms, Bradley Cooper Review written by Tom Bevis Full disclosure, here: I didn’t see The Hangover Part Two. Or The Hangover Part II, whichever they decided to roll with. Why didn’t I, you may ask? Because I liked the first one a lot. It mixed dirty comedy, ridiculous scenarios, and a mystery just one step below any neo-noir picture being made today. I wasn’t so surprised that it exploded the way it...
Iron Man 3
Ironing Out the Kinks Review written by Robert D. Patrick Starring: Robert Downey, Jr, Don Cheadle Robert Downey Jr, draped in an egotistical, incisor flashing smile, surfs his fingers over the visage of an Audi that has the color of a blue jay’s plumage. The master thespian lowers his sunglasses, tilts his head down like a craning viper, and emits a cool sentence with the gratifying reverberation of a horseshoe straddling a...
