Hitchcock
Presenting Hitch; Not the Will Smith Film Review written by Robert Patrick Starring: Anthony Hopkins, Helen Mirren The bulbous frame and bulldog-jowls of the master of suspense are about as well-known as the Campbell’s soup can or Edvard Munch’s “The Scream”. The director’s suit, an emulsion of black and white, was always there to greet the audience. Alfred Hitchcock was a brand. The portly silhouette and...
Lincoln
James Spader Dons Arcane Mustache; Day-Lewis Barks Review written by Robert Patrick Starring: Daniel Day-Lewis, Sally Field Abe Lincoln is always portrayed as a sentient block of wood. Here, in Spielberg’s take on the lionized president, he remains intrepid and warmly enigmatic. Daniel Day-Lewis’ voice crackles like a bed of embers as his wiry, tall frame slinks around from office to house. Day-Lewis’ portrayal of...
Argo
Of Beards and Mustaches Starring: Ben Affleck, Alan Arkin Review written by Robert Patrick Each year, around October or November, there generally, with little or no hesitation, comes a political thriller with teeth-gnashing tension and historical moxie. Generally, George Clooney spins out one of the aforementioned movies and the Academy Awards salivate over them like an old bulldog attached to a ham bone. There is a certain gravitas...
A Dangerous Method
A Freudian Slip Up Starring: Michael Fassbender, Viggo Mortensen Review written by Robert Patrick Director David Cronenberg is known for his spatterfests, where heads explode like Gallagher watermelons, guts spew from television sets, and severed fingers are nonchalantly plucked like flower petals in a child’s hand. In recent years the maestro of macabre has toned down the science fiction horror elements, replaced them with...
Moneyball
Archival Footage and Concentrated Brooding Starring: Brad Pitt, Jonah Hill Review written by Robert Patrick If I had said that there would be a movie released this year about sulking and computer screens, you would probably predict that the film was about a depressed teenager glued to his PC. Alas, the fog has lifted and instead it is about baseball and grown men. Michael Lewis, the author of The Blind Side, penned Moneyball, a movie...
All Good Things
Look Out, Gosling Hates Bookshelves! Starring: Kirsten Dunst, Ryan Gosling Written by Robert Patrick I had not seen Kirsten Dunst for sometime. I had thought she was in the belly of a whale somewhere. Perhaps the actress was busy toiling away on a time machine to go back and undo “Marie Antoinette”. Then I hear about this movie, “All Good Things”. I hear that it has Ryan Gosling in it, that Kirsten Dunst may or...
The King’s Speech
Colin Firth: The New Whimsy Starring: Colin Firth, Geoffrey Rush Written by Robert Patrick I wanted the title of this review to be “Colin Firth is Adorable; Makes Doe-Eyed Expressions”, but then I thought I could also go with “English People Look Regal; Walk Around Haplessly”. I decided against both, but managed, despite it being entirely inconsequential, to shoehorn them in the actual review. Typically films dealing with historic...
The Fighter
Bale Good; Wahlberg Bad Starring: Christian Bale, Mark Wahlberg Written by Robert Patrick Boxing movies always seem to contain a certain formula. This formula, like motor oil, helps the engine run better, more efficiently. You always need a woman, who apprehensively suggests that you should go for your goals, though she is quietly pulling out her nails as if her teeth were the claw of a construction hammer. Your character should also...
Waste Land
This Is My Reaction to this Film Starring: Vik Muniz Written by Robert Patrick “Waste Land” is dark, gross, sticky and noisy. And no, that isn’t a synonym for coitus or open heart surgery, it’s the description of men and women who dig through garbage for a living. No, it’s not about homeless people, either. Oh boy, this is going to be a difficult review. “Waste Land” is actually about a coalition of people who work at Jardim Gramacho,...
Client 9
The Fantastic Mr. Fox Written by Robert Patrick George Fox aka Client-9 aka Eliot Spitzer has more pseudonyms than a cold war spy. These politicians, day traders and wall street moguls are so colorful they make a rainbow look monochrome. I think of comic-book characters like Two-Face and Kingpin, snickering and gallivanting around these crosshatched and seedy looking cities, wearing pinstriped suits that look like barcodes made out of...
