Inkheart
Movie for Hungover Middle School English Teachers Starring: Brendan Fraser, Eliza Bennett, Paul Bettany By Andy Younger “Reading is sometimes an ingenious device for avoiding thought.” –19th century essayist Sir Arthur Helps. Adapted from the German novel of the same name, Inkheart is a Scholastic Book Fair of YA fantasy retreads cobbled together with winking references to classic stories in lieu of talent or originality. With...
The Tale of Despereaux
What Has Four Legs and is Too Dark for Kids? Voices by: Matthew Broderick, Emma Watson By Tom Bevis The Tale of Despereaux. This is a hard one. I consider myself to be well qualified to judge kid movies. Why? Because I have two young nephews and a niece, all of whom have rather distinct tastes in the movies they take in (surprisingly refined standards for toddlers), all of whom I am on a fair level of understanding with. So, for this...
Bolt
Toy Story With Animals Starring: John Travolta, Miley Cyrus By: Andrew Younger “If the dog believes it, the audience believes it.” That declaration, uttered by the television director of the show Bolt (voiced by Inside the Actors’ Studio host and part-time shill for GEICO James Lipton) shoulders the weight of the entire film. If you can stomach that line, please continue reading. If not, I just saved you five minutes of your...
Madagascar Escape 2 Africa
Because Numerals in Place of Words Makes You Sound Street By: Andrew Younger Starring: Ben Stiller, Chris Rock Like any young, white, middle class suburbanite, I often find myself experiencing a severe deficiency of African culture that I can co-opt as my own and reduce to utter pablum. Thankfully, the good folks at Dreamworks have done the hard work for me. Taking its rightful place in the pantheon of numerically inspired artistic...
Journey to the Center of the Earth
Encino Man Back to Prehistoric Times Journey to the Center of the Earth (2008) Starring: Brendan Fraser, Anita Briem By Robert Patrick Writing a review about Journey to the Center of the Earth is giving me a constant migraine. The movie, which was made for 3D glasses, made me realize that all of the special effects in the world couldn’t help Brendan Fraser’s acting abilities look one dimensional, let alone three. The movie, directed...
