Snitch
In Snitch, The Rock Isn’t What He Seems Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Barry Pepper Review written by Tom Bevis Alright, look, I like The Rock. I have ever since I saw him in the Get Shorty sequel Be Cool, which is otherwise forgettable. He single-handedly saved every scene he was in, but ultimately couldn’t do much for the film as a whole (the people who made that movie should really praying for their souls after rehashing the...
John Dies at the End
Wicked & Weird Starring: Chase Williamson, Rob Mayes Review written by Robert D. Patrick Hallucinatory, spiked with weirdness, kinetic and grimy. These are laymen ways to describe the kaleidoscopic and serpentine John Dies at the End, a movie directed with cutting wit and macabre abandon by Don Coscarelli. The aforementioned auteur is the madman behind such films as Phantasm and Bubba Ho-Tep, movies that include a foppish mummy...
A Good Day to Die Hard
Will the Real McClane Please Stand Up Starring: Bruce Willis, Jai Courtney Review written by Tom Bevis Alright, let me start right off the bat by saying I love Die Hard. Die Hard is one of those quick action movie franchises that was loud enough, big enough, bright enough, and suddenly funny enough for me to really dig when I was a kid. Mind you, I wasn’t even a year old when the first one hit theaters, I must’ve been three years old...
Rise of the Guardians
Not the Sequel to Owls of Ga’Hoole Review written by Robert D. Patrick Starring: Chris Pine, Alec Baldwin When you think of folklore and mythology, you think about the ethereal candidness of the sandman or the spectral enchantments of the tooth fairy. Maybe the portly mass of a bellowing Santa Claus or the wonky pattering of the Easter Bunny. How about the whittled teeth of the Jersey Devil or the dour expression of the Moth...
Django Unchained
A Fistful of Squalor Review written by Robert D. Patrick Starring: Jamie Foxx, Christoph Waltz Django Unchained, Quentin Tarantino’s cinematic soiree of bloodshed and molar-gnashing revenge has been a hotbed of controversy ever since the press fastened into their seats for the initial advance screenings. Inside the film, derogatory slurs are said cavalierly and bombastic action sequences flip by with abandon. Outside of the...
Life of Pi
Because Pi Is Irrational, Like Faith Review written by Andrew Younger Starring: Suraj Sharma, Irrfan Khan Director Ang Lee’s extraordinary adaptation of Yann Martel’s novel Life of Pi, previously believed to be unadaptable, covers much of the same spiritual questioning as Terrence Malick’s 2011 offering The Tree of Life without the irritating voiceover or Sean Penn’s confused meandering across salt flats. Told...
Cloud Atlas
‘The Hours’ for Dudes Review written by Robert Patrick Starring: Tom Hanks, Jim Sturgess Cloud Atlas is a mosaic of ideas and ethereal existentialism – Imagine Southland Tales as told by David Lean. A warbly narrative slap-chopped by kinetic editing and sterile looking set designs, The Wachowski siblings – plus Tom Tykwer – create a phantasmagoria of images that look something like Mel Gibson’s...
The Dark Knight Rises
Where’s the Batmobile?! Starring: Christian Bale, Tom Hardy Review written by Robert Patrick The brooding, downtrodden, emotionally eviscerated Bruce Wayne we have become so familiar with in the universally heralded Christopher Nolan reboot finds himself even worse off in The Dark Knight Rises, the final pillar in the Batman franchise’s acropolis. Since the barbed events of the last film, the masked crusader has hung up...
21 Jump Street
Spoiler Alert: It’s Good Review written by Robert Patrick Starring: Jonah Hill, Channing Tatum 21 Jump Street’s wonky, bombastic action premise is ramped up with crude jokes and staccato delivery. These aforementioned comedy tropes bring to mind the barbed brains of directors such as Todd Phillips and Adam McKay. Strangely, 21 Jump Street is directed by the duo held responsible for Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs, the...
The Green Hornet
Introducing Kato And His Sidekick Starring: Seth Rogan, Jay Chou Review by Sam Wood I’m going to preface this by saying that I’m not usually a Seth Rogen fan. For whatever reason his brand of comedy hasn’t done much for me. I’ll also add that, given my age, I did not listen to the Green Hornet radio show in the ‘30s and ‘40s, nor did I watch the short-lived television show in the ‘60s. So, all of that being said, I was pleasantly...