Twitter slayer, fashion sharpshooter, and hairstylist icon pale_teen goes by many code names, including “a wandering ghost” and, most esoterically, “Laura”. She is known for her social observations, astute quips, and endlessly cool color palette. Cinema Spartan caught up with pale_teen, and asked her pressing questions about dad hats, politics, and terrible social media decorum. Below are the pretty sweet answers.
Rob Patrick: The internet is a wasteland. What site has worse dude etiquette: Instagram or Twitter?
Pale_teen: How do I even choose?? They’re everywhere. Sometimes I’ll just be minding my business and a Meninist will try to fight me in my mentions. Take a nap. Go to the gym. Write a listicle. Do anything but talk to me.
Your updates on Twitter are always self-aware, cleverly acerbic, and culturally observant. In your mind, what makes a great Tweet?
Thank you. I just try not to be an asshole. Usually a “great tweet” is clever without trying too hard.
Your hair is always super fresh. Stylistically, what are some good and bad trends that are prevelent with both men and women right now? How can we fix these problems? This is the most important timeline.
You’re going to regret asking me this question; I have very strong opinions when it comes to anything hair related. Box color has to die. People need to understand that the silver/pastel toned hair trend is not possible for everyone! My favorite trends as far as the hair world are vivid colors, edgy undercuts, balayage, and creative braided updos. I wish people would respect hair stylists and not just think, “oh I can do this myself!” I’ve noticed lately a lot of dudes are trying to grow out their hair, which actually turns into them looking like their water got shut off and they haven’t showered in a couple of weeks. Don’t get me wrong, long hair on a dude can be hot, but you gotta get trims from time to time. I’m loving all the clean fades though.
A lot of cool, funny people follow you – Michael J. Hudson, our pal Emily Whittemore, super stud Pat Tobin – how have some of these great and interesting minds affected the way you look at comedy and social media?
Honestly I’m still confused why so many cool people follow me. Twitter has made me so much more socially aware. I’ve been exposed to so many viewpoints I probably never would’ve even thought of without it. I also met my best friend Jackie on Twitter; I’m very grateful.
We tried to look for you on Instagram, and someone under the name of “Nash Penner” has the handle “a_wandering_ghost”. Please tell me that’s a pseudonym of yours.
Unfortunately not. My Instagram is @pale__teen.
Your fashion is ridiculously cool, and that hat you recently wore is legit. How can guys learn to wear hats better? And will baby boomers ever stop wearing baseball hats that are folded so hard that they look like tents?
Okay, I actually found that hat in someone else’s apartment (shout out 2 Mel) and wore it as a joke, but by the end of the night I was like “YES, SAD INDIE GIRL HATS RULE!” Honestly, I hate when boys wear hats sometimes. One time a boy I was interested in wore a newsboy hat and from then on I couldn’t look at him the same. It just depends on that hat. If you’re going to wear something, you have to COMMIT to wearing it. Wear the fuck out of it.
Politically, what the fuck is happening to America right now? Do you think that being an idiot is vogue or what’s the deal here? That’s my best attempt at being academic.
We have to decide between Your Racist Uncle, The Zodiac Killer, Satan, and Bernie. I’m scared.
Twitter DMs are the worst circle of hell in Dante’s Inferno. How can we stop this?
Every time a dude wants to send an annoying, harassing, or just plain unwanted DM, they should be fined. After 3 times, arrested.
In your opinion, what makes a funny tweet?
It’s hard to explain what makes a tweet funny. The more off the wall, the better. It usually helps to not take yourself very seriously. It also helps to be really, really sad.