Inglourious Basterds
The Basterdization of World History Starring: Brad Pitt, Melanie Laurent By Robert Patrick By this time you’re probably well acquainted with the Basterds; commercials have been slashing past you, with indocility to volume and aesthetic, every time you pop a bowl of oatmeal into your microwave, turn on the television, and wake up in the morning. The legion of marketers are spinning the advertisements with the rapidness of a drum roll,...
Shorts
Noisy; Unworthy of Viewing Starring: James Spader, Jimmy Bennett By Josephine Zomayah Sitting in a movie theatre while waiting for a movie to start that is occupied to capacity isn’t always the quietest of moments. Being in a movie theatre filled with impatient and whining children fueled by their sugar high is a whole different experience.. A cacophony is best fit for the description to say the least. The unpleasant shrieking of this...
Thirst
Unintentional Comedy of the Year Starring: Kang-ho Song, Ok-vin Kim By Tom Bevis Vampires. God damn vampires. There is no horror subgenre more convoluted and over-exposed than vampire stories. Indeed, vampire stories rarely fall into horror anymore, as the adapted media prefers to use them as a trope in forced romance as some sorry spin-off of a lonely housewife’s wet dream. Vampires: the great American trend. And now, we’re...
Post Grad
The Evils of Uncertainty Starring: Alexis Bledel, Michael Keaton By Josephine Zomayah Oh, how terrible it must be for a college-educated 22-year-old girl struggling with unemployment. A piece of paper doesn’t guarantee a fancy high paying job that can take care of a rent payment on a luxury high-rise apartment. All those hopes and dreams shot down by reality. The writers of Post Grad’s script should go back to school when they tried...
District 9
Alien Apartheid Starring: Sharlton Copley By Robert Patrick What happens when aliens make contact with us? Apparently we coral them into a ghetto in Johannesburg, watch after them for several years, then serve them eviction notices. District 9, barely a blip on the radar, is a rogue wave in the middle of conventional Hollywood blockbusters. This movie, backed by the jolly hands and twisting curls of mega director Peter Jackson, is...
The Goods
Car Salesman Still Funny? Starring Jeremy Piven, Ving Rhames By Tom Bevis Walking into the theater, I heard among some of the whispered chatter from the casual viewers comparisons of the film “Used Cars.” I then realized two things: people who can get into a movie for free always will, regardless of if they want to see the picture or not and second, they were right. “Used Cars” may well have been the precursor to Jeremy Piven...
Captain Abu Raed
Old Man Take a Look at My Life Starring: Nadim Sawalha By Robert Patrick The incessant slosh of a wet mop painting an airport floor. The rickety wheels of a maintenance cart dribbling over the tile. The wheezing expulsion of cleaning fluid from the nozzle of a dented bottle. These sights and sounds, so unchanging and regulatory, encapsulate janitor Abu Raed’s life. The man, with patches of gray hair sprouting from his head like...
Julie and Julia
Sometimes It Takes Two Books to Make One Movie Starring: Amy Adams, Meryl Streep By Tom Bevis You all know about blogging. Truly the next step in publishing, blogs (cued from the term “web logs”) enable a wide range or writers to share their thoughts and ideas to thousands of others across the world wide web, writers who otherwise might not have access to such an audience. In recent years, blogs have exploded in popularity, and a...
Funny People
Because Incurable Illness is Hilarious Starring: Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen By Tom Bevis Judd Apatow has been accused of being comedy gold. While I personally find his films to be two-dimensional and overly-dependant on one-fold gags, the masses still wound up to catch it on the big screen. Apatow must have heard me talking to my friends about this very point, because his latest offering is a comedy that desperately tries to be...
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
More Sequels than Police Academy Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson By Robert Patrick “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince” – or the more exasperating title of Harry Potter 6 – is director David Yates’ second outing behind the camera of the much heralded franchise. Before Yates was billed as the directorial successor to the mega-grossing series, he was helming such television movie classics as “Sex Traffic” and...
