The Double
May18

The Double

Birds of a Feather Starring: Jesse Eisenberg, Mia Wasikowska Review written by Robert D. Patrick James Simon (Jesse Eisenberg) is working in a cubicle the size of a kennel. Those around him, decrepit and methodical, type away endlessly. Plumes of wild, uncombed hair envelope their ears. They have been in this office a long, long time. And, from the looks of things, these cubicles will be their tombs. James has been at this company for...

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The Canyons
Aug01

The Canyons

The Canyawns Starring: James Deen, Lindsay Lohan Review written by Robert D. Patrick The fang baring, salacious, psychosexual bloodletting of Bret Easton Ellis’ literary works are lumbar straining. His worlds are urban marshes of depravity and, more often than not, a decalogue of amoral drum rolls. The author’s catalog of works, beginning with his heralded debut, Less Than Zero, have all contained, in some form or another,...

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Shadow Dancer
Jun13

Shadow Dancer

An IRA Film Without Daniel Day? Starring: Andrea Riseborough, Clive Owen Review written by Robert D. Patrick On more than one blood specked occasion, the Irish Republican Army’s teeth-gnashing, metacarpal bruising fury has crossed horns with the unabashed grit of England’s MI5. The pulp of Ireland’s history has been branded with struggle, and here, in a microcosm of the land’s imbroglios, Shadow Dancer focuses...

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Olympus Has Fallen
Mar22

Olympus Has Fallen

White House In Peril – Again Review written by Tom Bevis Starring: Morgan Freeman, Gerard Butler I’ll be the first to admit that all of this 9/11 reminiscent terrorist imagery needs to disappear from popular media. I am tired, bored, and annoyed watching planes and/or tanks crash into every single American landmark that comes to mind. That being said, Olympus Has Fallen has only two or three of these said scenes in...

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Django Unchained
Dec30

Django Unchained

A Fistful of Squalor Review written by Robert D. Patrick Starring: Jamie Foxx, Christoph Waltz Django Unchained, Quentin Tarantino’s cinematic soiree of bloodshed and molar-gnashing revenge has been a hotbed of controversy ever since the press fastened into their seats for the initial advance screenings. Inside the film, derogatory slurs are said cavalierly and bombastic action sequences flip by with abandon. Outside of the...

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Argo
Oct12

Argo

Of Beards and Mustaches Starring: Ben Affleck, Alan Arkin Review written by Robert Patrick Each year, around October or November, there generally, with little or no hesitation, comes a political thriller with teeth-gnashing tension and historical moxie. Generally, George Clooney spins out one of the aforementioned movies and the Academy Awards salivate over them like an old bulldog attached to a ham bone. There is a certain gravitas...

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The Bourne Legacy
Aug09

The Bourne Legacy

Matt Damon Is Not In This Film Starring: Jeremy Renner, Rachel Weisz Review written by Andrew Younger With all the bait-and-switch bravado of a carnival barker, The Bourne Legacy writer-director Tony Gilroy does his damnedest to project wayward star Matt Damon’s titular hero onto the blank canvas of Jeremy Renner. And much like a carnival sideshow, the resulting experience ends in disappointment. The film opens with a retread of the...

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Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
Dec23

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

Of Spies and Sedatives Starring: Gary Oldman, Colin Firth Review written by Robert Patrick Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy must have sounded like a great idea. An espionage thriller based on the acclaimed, serpentine book of the same name. Shifty-eyed spies in dapper suits, mulling around cafes and hiding behind baguettes, all while carrying around pistols under their pant legs. Once you have the plot from the 1974 book down, the next...

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The Skin I Live In
Oct21

The Skin I Live In

Marionettes Made of Tissue Starring: Antonio Banderas, Elena Anaya Review written by Robert Patrick Moral compasses are caked with mud, emotions are pulled like teeth without anesthetic, and colors are spattered like paint cans perforated by bullet holes. The world of sixty-two year-old Pedro Almodóvar is one of ghosts, obsessions, frothy malaise. Never innocuous, the films of the Spanish auteur have always been met by a volley of...

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Kaboom
Feb24

Kaboom

Stream of Consciousness Directing Yes, I am calling TRL so that they play Jared Leto’s newest single. Starring: Thomas Dekker, Haley Bennett Review by Robert Patrick Gregg Araki’s newest opus, “Kaboom”, is akin to being Rick Rolled by a lobotomized David Lynch. Nothing really makes sense in this film, aside from the fact that it has to do with a first year college student that, after taking some drugs, is...

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