Parker
Parker Outperforms Expectations Despite Director Interference Starring: Jason Statham, Jennifer Lopez Review written by Tom Bevis Okay, okay. I’m not any happier about Jennifer Lopez being in a Jason Statham movie than you are, alright? Let’s just get that out of the way right now. For any men, Jennifer Lopez is a fun vacuum. Unless she’s in her undies, she just swallows up all the life from any scene she’s in, I get it. The good news...
Quartet
House of Waxing On and On Starring: Billy Connolly, Maggie Smith Review written by Robert D. Patrick Dour expressions, plunking piano keys, swansong speeches and misty-eyed stares characterize the barely palpitating heart of Dustin Hoffman’s directorial opus, Quartet. The aforementioned film is about the follies and illusions of talented men and women, once in the limelight of the opera, who are now figureheads of a retirement home...
The Last Stand
One Man Arnie Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Johnny Knoxville Review written by Robert D. Patrick The Last Stand is a blood specked, teeth-gnashing, gun powder marked soiree of discharged shell casings and exit wounds – well, the last forty minutes, anyway. The first hour is a hodgepodge of stifled acting and incensed phone calls with salivating federal agents. The Last Stand has a pretty pedestrian premise, to be polite, and...
Mama
The One Your Mama Warned You About Starring: Jessica Chastain, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau Review written by Tom Bevis Let’s talk about Mama. Let’s talk about Andres Muschietti and Jessica Chastain. Let’s talk about showing the face of the devil. Let’s talk about Guillermo del Torro and his line of work. Let’s talk about benching your best player, and let’s talk about who Andres Muschietti is. Seriously....
