Sherlock Holmes
Dec26

Sherlock Holmes

It was _____, In the Study, With Black Magic Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law By Tom Bevis Ladies and gentleman, Guy Ritchie has gone Hollywood, and his latest offering, Sherlock Holmes, is bleeding proof.  The film boasts an undeniably mainstream cast, lead by one of America’s biggest stars today: Robert Downey, Jr.  And the costar?  Big-budget special effects, of course, things like explosions, bare-knuckle fist fights, a...

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Nine
Dec26

Nine

Asphyxiated to Death by Feather Boas Starring: Daniel Day-Lewis, Marion Cotillard By Robert Patrick Rob Marshall’s loud, bombastic, incurably busy musical is a cacophony of ideas and blaring horns. The songs in the film sound, to be quite blunt, like mortar fire. Too many wordy verses, too many goofy choruses. “My husband is a director; he makes movies”, wails out the normally magnificent Marion Cotillard. Marshall’s last musical...

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Worst Performances 2009
Dec23

Worst Performances 2009

Written by Robert Patrick 2009 was a year of great films and total sludge. The heaping amount of awfulness was the easiest to pull from, however. Here, compiled for you by Cinema Spartan, is our list of the doggone worst “performances” of the last 365 days. 10. Child Actors, 2012 Kids, the earth is exploding! Fire is spitting through the air! Mountains are being knocked over with the ease of a sandcastle being kicked! What...

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Interview w/ Christian McKay
Dec13

Interview w/ Christian McKay

  English actor Christian McKay is a gentleman. The verbose wit, incessant charm, and the elegant accent were apparent immediately when speaking with the multi-talented actor and pianist. McKay, who may be  adding screenwriter to his resume’s bullet list in the future, spoke passionately about his debut film, “Me and Orson Welles”, which opened this Friday. In director Richard Linklater’s spirited opus about a young, gregarious...

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Invictus
Dec11

Invictus

Matt Damon Has the Emotive Capacity of a Jack-o-lantern Starring: Morgan Freeman, Matt Damon By Robert Patrick The furrowed brow, unyielding scowl, and gray eyes are monolithic instruments in planting the iron and steel image of Clint Eastwood’s storied legacy into the soil of cinema. The 78 year-old auteur, whose ability to craft important films from behind the camera has taken a commonplace, creates another emotional picture with...

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Up in the Air
Dec11

Up in the Air

Winged Migration to Award Season Starring: George Clooney, Anna Kendrick By Robert Patrick Director Jason Reitman likes his protagonists to be complicated and confident. The world has marred their morals and engineered their tongues to contain wit and charm. “Juno” and “Thank You for Smoking” contain main characters that make you want to coddle them for their complexity, their imperfections, their venomous quips. Reitman’s newest...

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Me and Orson Welles
Dec10

Me and Orson Welles

Resurrecting the Champ Starring: Christian McKay, Zac Efron By Robert Patrick Sometimes an actor’s performance is bigger than their movie. Here, it’s apparent. When I first saw Christian McKay in Richard Linklater’s newest film, I was, subsequently, paralyzed by his uncanny resemblance to the late Orson Welles. But beyond the emotive eyebrows and the ferociousness of his vocal timbre, McKay channeled the superlative...

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Everybody’s Fine
Dec04

Everybody’s Fine

Return to Sender Starring: Robert DeNiro, Drew Barrymore By Robert Patrick Robert DeNiro stutter-steps around the fruited plains, looking mawkish and fatigued, while visiting his children on the cusp of the holiday season. None of his kids are not prepped for this impromptu visit, however, and end up shoving their old man out of the door with swift abandon. The commercials for this supposed family comedy are shamefully inaccurate, as...

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Fantastic Mr. Fox
Nov25

Fantastic Mr. Fox

A Malleable Character Always Moves Starring: George Clooney, Meryl Streep By Robert Patrick I’m not sure I ever expected to hear The Rolling Stone’s music rumble over stop-motion animation, but if there was a man to do it, director Wes Anderson would be the culprit. I can imagine Anderson, his trademark locks washing over his face, as he wears one of those creamy cappuccino dress suits. I can see a scarf wrapped around his neck, like...

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The Road
Nov25

The Road

Into the Darkness Starring: Viggo Mortensen, Kodi Smit-McPhee By Colleen Dillon Something about the Dark Ages creeps me out. There’s a lot to be afraid of: wars, plague, famine, infections, contaminations – pretty much anything relating to the very obvious mortality rates of the time. But even more terrifying to me was the bleakness of life then. Despite all the progress humanity had made up to that point, the Dark Ages were a...

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